kids electric cars quads image
Foreveryou
what is it like being married/in a relationship with a guy who has a sci?
anytype of sci...from those who are paralyzed neck down, to those who can live independently. i want to know everything...from dressing and eating to kids and sex to work and insurance. how much different is it from marrying a guy without a physical disability? is it much different?
im truly curious and interested, so please no rude answers.
thanks :)
Answer
I come at this question as someone who is in a long term committed relationship with a man who has a disability and requires the use of a motorised wheelchair. He does not have a spinal cord injury, rather he has Muscular Dystrophy, a genetic condition which has caused his upper limb muscles and torso muscles to waste and not regenerate.
I also work full time as a personal care attendant to people with many disabilities, including people with SCI's ranging from C3/4 to lower lumbar injury, from car accidents, skiing accidents, football accidents, and cancer.
As has already been mentioned, it will depend entirely on:-
(a) Level of injury - a paraplegic who has an injury at say, the lumbar region of the spine, will usually be a lot more independent than a high cervical injured quadriplegic.
(b) Their independence - this comes into an entirely different category, because some people with disabilities will understand and recognise the need for care to be obtained from elsewhere other than within their relationship/family. Getting too much help from the partner/family can place enormous strain on the relationship, so carers are ideal for maintaining a healthy relationship.
(c) The resources they have around them.
One of my clients is a C3/4 quad. He was in a football accident when he was 15 (he's now early 40's). He is totally reliant on an electric wheelchair with arm supports as he cannot move his arms himself and if it weren't for the arm supports he would struggle to use the joystick.
He can use a chin control, and had to when he broke his right shoulder due to osteoporosis which he has developed as he is non-weightbearing.
He uses a mouthstick to do anything else. To press remote control buttons, to use his mobile phone, to turn pages of a book..
He is totally reliant on his carers for feeding, cooking, medication administration, bowel care (toileting), showering, dressing, positioning in wheelchair, shaving, cleaning teeth, cutting fingernails..
He has been married, and divorced, as his wife cracked with all the pressure he put on her. He didn't get enough help and she had to do a lot more than a wife would normally have to. until she left. They are still good friends, but he now knows from experience that the boundary between carer and partner needs to be maintained.
Some lower level quads and paras are able to do their own bowel care, and most of mine have catheters which we are not responsible for changing. Others are able to dress and wash themselves, and may need little help at all!
My client works from home as a counsellor. He is really good at it, because he is very observent and intelligent. I don't think he wants kids now, but many people with SCI's can't ejaculate, and he's no different. He can obtain and sustain an erection with stimulation (and some medicinal intervention).
I do know another guy who is a low level quadriplegic, and his wife had a little boy a few years ago. His semen was extracted somehow and she was artificially inseminated. So it is possible for them to have kids.
I was speaking to someone the other day as well who said he knows a female quad who had a baby.. would have to be so careful though!
As for sex, creativity is the key.
My partner, whilst capable of fine motor movement, cannot raise his arms from his lap.. however if I place his hands somewhere, he can "spider" them to where he wants them (ie he uses his fingers to walk his hand to where he wants it).
I have to take a much more active role in our relationship, but I love him very much so I'm quite happy with being creative. We are not actually in a sexual relationship yet (we don't believe in sex before marriage) but we do snuggle and stuff. Just have to have an open mind, and creativity.
The one down side is that if you are in a relationship with someone who has a disability and has carers, you have to be prepared to have your privacy invaded, and to be prepared to work around when the carers can come in.
Hope that all helps.
I come at this question as someone who is in a long term committed relationship with a man who has a disability and requires the use of a motorised wheelchair. He does not have a spinal cord injury, rather he has Muscular Dystrophy, a genetic condition which has caused his upper limb muscles and torso muscles to waste and not regenerate.
I also work full time as a personal care attendant to people with many disabilities, including people with SCI's ranging from C3/4 to lower lumbar injury, from car accidents, skiing accidents, football accidents, and cancer.
As has already been mentioned, it will depend entirely on:-
(a) Level of injury - a paraplegic who has an injury at say, the lumbar region of the spine, will usually be a lot more independent than a high cervical injured quadriplegic.
(b) Their independence - this comes into an entirely different category, because some people with disabilities will understand and recognise the need for care to be obtained from elsewhere other than within their relationship/family. Getting too much help from the partner/family can place enormous strain on the relationship, so carers are ideal for maintaining a healthy relationship.
(c) The resources they have around them.
One of my clients is a C3/4 quad. He was in a football accident when he was 15 (he's now early 40's). He is totally reliant on an electric wheelchair with arm supports as he cannot move his arms himself and if it weren't for the arm supports he would struggle to use the joystick.
He can use a chin control, and had to when he broke his right shoulder due to osteoporosis which he has developed as he is non-weightbearing.
He uses a mouthstick to do anything else. To press remote control buttons, to use his mobile phone, to turn pages of a book..
He is totally reliant on his carers for feeding, cooking, medication administration, bowel care (toileting), showering, dressing, positioning in wheelchair, shaving, cleaning teeth, cutting fingernails..
He has been married, and divorced, as his wife cracked with all the pressure he put on her. He didn't get enough help and she had to do a lot more than a wife would normally have to. until she left. They are still good friends, but he now knows from experience that the boundary between carer and partner needs to be maintained.
Some lower level quads and paras are able to do their own bowel care, and most of mine have catheters which we are not responsible for changing. Others are able to dress and wash themselves, and may need little help at all!
My client works from home as a counsellor. He is really good at it, because he is very observent and intelligent. I don't think he wants kids now, but many people with SCI's can't ejaculate, and he's no different. He can obtain and sustain an erection with stimulation (and some medicinal intervention).
I do know another guy who is a low level quadriplegic, and his wife had a little boy a few years ago. His semen was extracted somehow and she was artificially inseminated. So it is possible for them to have kids.
I was speaking to someone the other day as well who said he knows a female quad who had a baby.. would have to be so careful though!
As for sex, creativity is the key.
My partner, whilst capable of fine motor movement, cannot raise his arms from his lap.. however if I place his hands somewhere, he can "spider" them to where he wants them (ie he uses his fingers to walk his hand to where he wants it).
I have to take a much more active role in our relationship, but I love him very much so I'm quite happy with being creative. We are not actually in a sexual relationship yet (we don't believe in sex before marriage) but we do snuggle and stuff. Just have to have an open mind, and creativity.
The one down side is that if you are in a relationship with someone who has a disability and has carers, you have to be prepared to have your privacy invaded, and to be prepared to work around when the carers can come in.
Hope that all helps.
The Next Generation?
Dew Drop
A 75-year-old man made the trip back to his old college to take one last look around campus again before he settled in to retired life.
As he got to the student quad he saw a young man studying hard, bringing back memories. He sat on the bench beside the lad, but was surprised when the kid started spouting off at him.
"Your generation will never understand my generation," the kid lectured. "You grew up in a different world. In fact, your world is almost primitive compared to mine," the student said.
"Is that right?" the elder man said.
"The young people of today grew up with television, jet planes, space travel, microwaves. I can carry a dozen books on a tiny chip in my pocket organizer. We have nuclear energy, electric and hydrogen cars, computers with light-speed processing, and," he paused to take swig of beer....
The senior took advantage of the break in the student's litany and said, "You're right, son. We didn't have those things when we were young -- so we invented them. Now, you arrogant little bastard, what are you doing for the next generation?"
Ah, seniors: they may be slow, but they're thorough!
Answer
right..priceless..gold winner!i just realize i missed someone.so much..:).thanks
right..priceless..gold winner!i just realize i missed someone.so much..:).thanks
Powered by Yahoo! Answers
Title Post: marrying a physically disabled guy?
Rating: 92% based on 925 ratings. 4 user reviews.
Author: Unknown
Thanks For Coming To My Blog
Rating: 92% based on 925 ratings. 4 user reviews.
Author: Unknown
Thanks For Coming To My Blog
No comments:
Post a Comment