Am I a good writer for my age?

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jollyfatgu

I'm 18, senior in high school. Pretty much looking for a brief review on sentence structure, grammar, punctuation, creativity, and my overall compositional aptitude (all relative to my age and academic success thus far). Failed 2 times and am currently doubled up, trying to teach myself to write well, so I can one day meet my aspirations of finding a career in broadcast-journalism for boxing. Below are two recent pieces of my writing. Side note: I love all types of writing, barring poetry.
My emotions are often prisoner to my mind. As so, they cannot be freed by friends, family, or even me. Nothing can release them from their incarceration, nothing but my guitar, that is. When my feelings transcend the description of words, I turn to this crimson red, 6 stringed, 24 fretted instrument as a means of expressing myself.
I enter my bedroom after a long day of school, my axeâs magnetizing flamed maple top nevertheless the first thing to catch my eye. I am left in awe of its beauty, but only for a moment. Unable to resist, I then turn my amplifierâs switch to the âonâ position, dawn my guitar from its majestic perch in the far-most corner of my room, and play. My feelings permeating its porous rosewood fret-board, I leave my instrument drenched in emotion every bit as raw as my passion for playing itself. It is then, and only then, that I feel relieved, relieved of my otherwise inexpressible feelings. When I feel as if all the weight of the world is upon my shoulders, I do not wilt, but rather plant my feet and let my electric guitar give me the strength I need.
Walking along the sidewalk, my family and I were returning to our car following my sisterâs 19th birthday celebration at Justinâs restaurant in Albany. I was in good spirits, as I didnât exactly have a cohesive relationship with them at the time, and this occasion was quite the exception. Laughs and an excellent meal made for a wonderful evening indeed, providing me with the closeness to my family I secretly sought. A block away from our vehicle, I noticed a black man pushing a shopping cart filled with garbage bags overflowing with empty bottles and cans, his face hard and worn out, like an old car that had seen a lot of miles. He was dressed in a long green trench coat and baggy black khakis, both of which appeared to be every bit as aged as he. The man was obviously homeless. The sight of him elicited a feeling of sadness from me which was more intense than anything I had ever felt, with insuppressible tears streaming down my face relentlessly. I had an innate urge to do everything I could to help him, but I was too embarrassed of the way I felt to act. In retrospect, Iâm embarrassed of not helping the man.
Trailing behind my family, I turned around and exclaimed that I desperately needed to use the restroom, so I could hide my emotional distress from them. As someone who always tried to project the image of a tough guy, I didnât dare reveal to my family that I had even a trace of softness to me; hell, up until then, I barely knew I harbored a soft side myself. I made my way back to the restroom in Justinâs, and I held my head and cried. Pondering what I just experienced, I arrived at the conclusion that what I felt for that black man was divine by nature. To this day, I believe that was God touching me. That was what gave me faith in God.
This profound experience has played a pivotal and formative role in my life. Giving me a glimpse of the essence of my spirit, it has prompted me to abandon my selfish ways and take the most altruistic approach I can to life. Whether it be trying to make the new kid at school suffering from Down Syndrome feel more welcome or volunteering at a soup kitchen, I always do my best to carry out Godâs will, for it is my conviction that He works through His people. To me, nothing is more rewarding than helping others; the satisfaction it brings is as indescribable as it is incomparable. I do not speak of my good deeds unless asked, as I do them not for praise, but rather out of deep-rooted principle. I am proud to say that the new lifestyle Iâve adopted has led to my reconnecting with my family and learning the pricelessness of love and kindness.

Answer
You're pushing hard to make it seem like good writing. There is abundant melodrama. But nothing is really happening here. A good writing sample could be a fraction of this length, but move the reader. But when I was done with this, I didn't feel different.

What were some of the best songs from the 80s?

Lisette

My List:
1. Heaven on Earth - Belinda Carlisle.
2. Harden My Heart - Quarterflash
3. I Ran - Flock of Seagulls
4. Running with the Night - Lionel Ritchie
5. Don't Talk To Strangers - Rick Springfield
6. Believe in Magic - America
7. With One Look - Rupert Hines
8. Simply Irresistible
9. Everybody Wants To Rule The World
10. In The Air Tonight - Phil Collins

Answer
Oh, my favorites:

"Manic Monday" Bangles
"Skateaway" Dire Straits
"Take on Me" A-ha
"Dancing in the Dark" Bruce Springsteen
"Holy Diver" Dio
"Rock of Ages" Def Leppard
"Here I Go Again" Whitesnake
"Centerfold" J. Geils Band
"Knocking at Your Backdoor" Deep Purple
"Welcome to the Jungle" GNR
"Heatseeker" AC/DC
"Do You Believe in Love?" Huey Lewis & the News
"Top of the Pops" Smithereens
"Riding on the Metro" Berlin
"Pride & Joy" Stevie Ray Vaughan
"Synchronicity" The Police
"A Fine Fine Day" Tony Carey
"She Blinded Me with Science" Thomas Dolby
"Der Komissar" Falco
"Is this a Cool World?" Karla Devito
"Kids in America" Kim Wilde
"Gypsy" Fleetwood Mac
"Melt with You" Modern English
"West End Girls" Pet Shop Boys
"Electric Avenue" Eddy Grant
"She's Got the Looks that Kill" Motley Crue
"Sunday Bloody Sunday" U2
"Screaming in the Night" Krokus
"Tempus Fugit" Yes
"Heat of the Moment" Asia
"the Reflex" Duran Duran
"Pros and Cons of Hitchhiking" Roger Waters
"Cuts Like a Knife" Bryan Adams
"No Sleep 'til Brooklyn" Beastie Boys
"When Lightning Strikes" Aerosmith
"Who's Behind the Door" Zebra
"Black Coffee in Bed" Squeeze
"Rock the Casbah" the Clash
"Mandolin Rain" Bruce Hornsby
"Don't Misunderstand Me" Rossington-Collins Band
"Emotional Rescue" The Rolling Stones
"Since You're Gone" the Cars
"Welcome Home (Sanitarium)" Metallica


Sooo many more, I only picked one song from each band that I liked, there were others....

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Title Post: Am I a good writer for my age?
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